Radio Free Kirkopolis

When I was a kid I used to dream that I could be a knight in shining armor. When I grew older and realized that becoming a real knight would be quite unlikely. I got into acting, hoping one day to at least play a knight in shining armor.
I’ve seen them all, “Camelot,” “A Knight’s Tale,” “Ivanhoe,” “Kingdom of Heaven,” “Monty Python and The Holy Grail”… just to escape into that world for just a short time.
I aint so sure anymore.
Tom Jones has been knighted.
Yep, that Tom Jones. The same guy that brought you “Sex Bomb” has joined the ranks of Walter Raleigh, Thomas Moore and Mic Jagger.

Welsh singer Tom Jones is getting used to meeting Queen Elizabeth II -- but on Wednesday was something special as she dubbed him, "Sir Tom."The 65-year-old singer, a coal miner's son from the Welsh town of Pontypridd, received the honour from the queen at Buckingham Palace.

I wonder, if I were British would I at this point start to highly question the state of the British Empire?

You know this whole internet thing has gotten to be pretty cool.

Take the world of the ‘blogosphere’ for instance. For whatever reason I happened to stumble upon three web pages that are now my regulars, yet I’ve never met nor spoken to their creators. Sure, I’ve got friends like Jason and Corey, family like Gene, all of whom I’ve know well for years, but these are three ladies that are a total mystery to me (as are most ladies, but that’s a whole ‘nother blog). To be honest, I'm not even sure how I got to reading their stuff in the first place.

You’ve got Steigfried over at Trixter, Eileen at Headspace and Jawamily at FormerMVP. It’s just strange how I could want to have a cup of coffee with people who I have never, and probably will never meet. I get this feeling that we’d have a strangely interesting conversation over the whereabouts of Emilio Estevez while we divulge out those things that only strangers should know (like my as yet to be explained obsession with all things Shakira).

I know little about them as real people, yet I love to read their work and will continue to do so as long as they continue to write.

Could this have happened at any other time? Personally, I find it to be pretty cool.

Before I point out the obvious, I’d like to precede this by noting how much Christian “bashing” really gets on my nerves. I think there’s a certain liberal hypocrisy in the way the other major religions of the world are treated (with a certain political correctness) while the Christians are just stepped on.
Weather or not I share their beliefs (I’m workin’ on it) is irrelevant. They deserve the same bleeding heart courtesies that other’s do. Just because they are the American majority does not negate them from that consideration. Granted, there are some serious wackos- abortion bombers, anti-gay activists, Pat Robinson- but for the most part they’re just good hearted Americans who happen to have a little faith.
With that being said, if you believe in creationism then you are dumb.
The problem (so far) with Evolution is the issue of the “Missing Link.” That never caused me much concern in the argument as I knew it was just a matter of time. Well, it could be that time is here-

ADDIS ABABA, Ethiopia - Scientists in northeastern Ethiopia said Saturday that they have discovered the skull of a small human ancestor that could be a missing link between the extinct Homo erectus and modern man.
The hominid cranium — found in two pieces and believed to be between 500,000 and 250,000 years old — "comes from a very significant period and is very close to the appearance of the anatomically modern human," said Sileshi Semaw, director of the Gona Paleoanthropological Research Project in Ethiopia.

Surprisingly the skull bears a striking resemblance to a modern day Barry Bonds.

From TheMercuryNews.

Judge orders David Hasselhoff to stay away from wife
LOS ANGELES - A judge has issued a temporary restraining order requiring that David Hasselhoff stay away from his estranged wife, according to court papers unsealed this week.

Now, what are the chances that we as a people could class action him to stay away from all forms of media- indefinitely? I pray we can.

From a six-year study of more than a million adults- People who get only 6 to 7 hours a night have a lower death rate than those who get 8 hours of sleep.
With that in proportion to what I normally sleep in a night, I should live about another 7,000 years.

From The Oxford Press-

ATLANTA — A strain of tuberculosis that resists almost all of the drugs used against the disease is appearing around the world and has been found in the United States, the World Health Organization and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention warned Thursday.

Not sure about you, but for whatever reason this scares the holy fuck out of me.

For the first time in my life I’m beating everyone in my NCAA pool. Last night I got every game correct and it’s conceivable that I might just win the whole freakin’ thing.
However also for the first time in my life- I have no money riding on this.

Shit.

Every once in a while two completely different entities combine to make one wonderful, new creation.
Tex and Mex
Chocolate and Peanut Butter
Wine and Pornography
Yep, that’s what I said, wine and pornography. One I’m a great and open fan of, the other, well not so open about.
Here’s to putting a new twist on ‘forbidden fruit.’

NEW YORK (Reuters) - It seemed like the perfect gimmick: a celebrity porn star would launch her own wine, with her alluring picture on the label.
Savanna Samson did just that, but when it received a score of 90 to 91 out of 100 by wine guru Robert Parker, the project became serious. It turns out Samson, the star of "The New Devil in Miss Jones," has produced an exceptional wine, becoming the toast of two industries: wine-making and pornography.

Man, a 91! For those of you who don’t know much about wine ratings, that’s huge. Orginaly started as kind of a gimmick, she wound up taking it quite seriously, and it has seemingly paid off-

Samson went to Tuscany and tasted dozens of Cipresso's Italian-grown varieties, then she selected a mix of 70 percent Cesanese, 20 percent Sangiovese and 10 percent Montepulciano. She ordered over 400 cases.

Now I’m not entirely sure what all of that means, but it sounds yummy.
I think that my favorite part of this whole thing is the following quote- "I wanted to do something that my parents could be proud of.”
Gosh, you mean they weren’t proud of career choice #1?

Well as if anyone thought this would go away… the final Chef episode of “South Park” aired and of course my boys Matt and Trey (yeah, we hang) got in some subversive punches.
Tom, I hope you and all your teeth are prepared for yet another round of beatin’s.

Isaac Hayes' Chef character got a true "South Park" send-off Wednesday night - seemingly killed off but mourned as a jolly old guy whose brains were scrambled by the "Super Adventure Club."
Chef repeatedly said he wanted to "make sweet love" to the "South Park" elementary school kids - it seems the "Super Adventure Club" turns its members into child molesters. The children try to rescue Chef, but in the end he turns to head back to the "Super Adventure Club" - until he falls off a bridge onto rocks, is burned, stabbed and mauled by a mountain lion and bear. Then he apparently dies. "A lot of us don't agree with the choices the Chef has made in the last few days," one of the children eulogizes him at a funeral. "Some of us feel hurt and confused that he seemed to turn his back on us. But we can't let the events of the past few weeks take away the memories of how Chef made us smile. "We shouldn't be mad at Chef for leaving us," the eulogy concludes. "We should be mad at that fruity little club for scrambling his brains."

Ahh, young men, once again you have come through with the sharp blade of wit.

Interesting side-note to this post- the web article I’ve quoted is from Forbes.com. Uh, just when did a publication like Forbes give a crap about something like “South Park?”

Seems a rather elusive coyote has been caught in New York’s Central Park.
It took a little longer than expected however as anvils and catapults are getting harder and harder to find these days.

Coda: Beethoven’s Joy

The future of performance is this: jubilee. Take millions of stars and feed them to a crowd of forty for dinner. Parade women down the spine of the city. Move out of Austria. Go where you like in the aria that speaks for the parade out of the country. Be the bullhorn for the transmutation of the gendered heart of the cosmos.
There never was a father-figure who beat you. Or a set of stone steps leading down into the garden. But one of them should exist, and you have to decide when and how. Take the bridge between necessity and outcome, between father and garden; make sure to record your fear of the water, which you don’t look down at but see in a dream.
Eventually you will have to face the inevitable existence of tables. You encounter them in just about every room you go into, and they’re almost always accompanied by chairs. There’s a plot afoot—to make you sit. To make you productive.
Chairs keep finding their way down to the river, swirling down into its depths, flying off in the ether of the seamstress’s voice. Nature gives birth to convention, and you know the best place to sit. You know how many yards of fabric are required to make her a dress. And this because you cannot stop measuring the almost-real length and width of her body. She is covered in so much of what seems like skin.
Today, you invented a new language for the transmutation of the gendered heart of the cosmos. Soon you will turn into a violin. Soon is not soon enough. There is so much to reinvent in the backwards gaze you turn from the chair to the garden.
Dawn Tefft

Reprinted with permission by the author
Cited from Mudlark Poster No. 47 (2003)

For those who think that “South Park” is nothing more than low-brow fart jokes (and well, it is) you really need to pay close attention. It’s a lot smarter than you think.
I actually haven’t watched the show in some time, but after this I’m thinking about starting up again.
As some of you may know, Trey and Matt have been in a little hot water lately after airing a show poking fun at Scientology in which Tom Cruse hides in a closet and refuses to come out (pure genius). Well since then, Camp Tom has been going at ‘em full force- little did they realize that is exactly what you DON’T want to do with these two fellas. Since then, Isaac Hays who plays Chef has quit the show, reportedly under the pressure of said cult (yup, I said cult).
In rebuttal to all the hub-bub, Trey and Matt fired off a little memo that you may enjoy-

"So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu!!!" They signed the statement, "Trey Parker and Matt Stone, servants of the dark lord Xenu."

Man that’s good stuff.
The episode has since been taken off the air, but can be seen at www.socialiteslife.com.

It’s a long shot (that’s a hint) but somebody; somewhere just might know what picture in ‘my profile’ is.
Sure we know it’s an x-ray, but who’s? And why?
Last hint: Think about any hobbies I’ve mentioned and then think about a few people who are really great at it.

It’s pretty amazing that the Bush’s inner circle is running so low on explanations on why we’re still in Iraq, they’re actually stooping so low that they’re using tactics from Camp Liberal.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Leaving Iraq now would be like handing postwar Germany back to the Nazis, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said in a column published on Sunday, the third anniversary of the start of the Iraq war.

Happens all the time, when the left doesn’t like a tactic they use the word “Nazi” just to strike fear into the un-educated. Little do they realize how much they trivialize the real atrocities as well as the real evils that resided within.
Now it’s the right’s turn. Playing the Nazi card is pretty much the lowest common denominator of those who have no other argument. In addition Donny lowered himself by going so far as to use the “It’s the terrorists” trump card-

Rumsfeld said "the terrorists" were trying to fuel sectarian tensions to spark a civil war, but they must be "watching with fear" the progress in the country over the past three years.

Um, I really don’t think it’s the terrorists that are fueling anything. I’d say instead it was the 3 millennia worth of tensions, fueled by an invading and captive army that’s doing the trick.
Throughout the ages, from the Caesars, to Hannibal, to Napoleon to King Richard, men have tried to bring peace to this very area- what on earth makes G.W. think that he can do what they couldn’t.
You know, there are 11million people living in the same totalitarian, evil, murderous conditions as the former Saddam regime- and instead of being ½ way across the world, they’re 90 miles off the coast of Florida. But then again, I’m not sure if Dick Cheney was has more interests in banana corporations than big oil.
…I’m just sayin’.

I’ve heard the rumors, and now it’s official- there’s going to be a “Star Wars” TV show.
Yep, a TV show.
Looks like it’ll be about 100 episodes long, focusing on the time between episodes 3 and 4, the ‘growing up’ period for Luke. The show should go into production around 2008 so there will be plenty of time to saturate the market with all its new characters.
So, there it is, floating around in Lucas’ head, just waiting to suck.
The worst part about it is… I’ll be standing in line for hours waiting to buy the box set.
Sometimes I hate me.

I was watching a Godsmack concert on HDNet today and noticed four things that had previously not occurred to me-
1. I knew a lot more Godsmack than I thought I did.
2. I like Godsmack songs a lot more than I thought I did.
3. After a while all Godsmack songs start to sound the same.
4. Lead singer Sully Erna looks surprisingly like a young Richard Dawson.

Without all my usually hub-bub, I’ll just give you my predictions for Sunday’s Oscars-

Actor, Leading- Phillip Seymour Hoffman. CAPOTE
Actor, Supporting- Paul Giamatti. CINDERELLA MAN
Actress, Leading- Reese Witherspoon. WALK THE LINE
Actress, Supporting- Rachel Weisz. THE CONSTANT GARDNER
Animated Feature. TIM BURTON’S CORPSE BRIDE
Art Direction. MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
Cinematography. BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
Costume Design. MEMOIRS OF A GIESHA
Directing – John Woo. BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
Documentary Feature. MARCH OF THE PENGUINS
Documentary Short. GOD SLEEPS IN RWANDA
Film Editing. MUNICH
Foreign Language Film. TSOTSI
Makeup. STAR WARS: EPISODE III REVENGE OF THE SITH
Original Score. BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
Original Song.- Travelin’ Thru, Dolly Parton. TRANSAMERICA
Short Film- Animated. 9
Short Film- Live Action. SIX SHOOTER
Sound Editing. WAR OF THE WORLDS
Sound Mixing. WAR OF THE WORLDS
Visual Effects. KING KONG
Screenplay- Adapted. BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
Screenplay- Original. GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK

Best Picture- BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN