Radio Free Kirkopolis

I’m a big, big fan of the show COPS. I always have been actually. I remember when it first aired being all glued to the TV every time it came on- still am. Really, it may be one of, if not the first reality show.
I’m lucky that I’m such a fan of this particular program. Who needs a TiVO when all you want to watch is COPS. After all, if you just flip through the channels long enough, you’ll eventually find it. I’m quite certain that at any given time you can find this show on some network- 24/7, you just gotta look.
Anyway, it happened the other night. The greatest of all the COPS scenarios- (Patton Oslwalt talks about this in his stand-up as well, but I totally thought of it first) it’s the guy who just got busted with a hooker who finds out that said hooker IS A DUDE!!!
Oh, it’s so rare, but so very worth it. As if this guy, sitting in cuffs is not down enough in his spiral of shame and despair at the fact that he’s going to the pokey for buying a white-cap; he now has just been slammed with the revelation that every homo-erotic fear he’s ever had just happened. Oh, the look on the face is soooooo precious.
The amazing thing is that in the 3 or 4 times this sort of thing has gone down in the show’s staggering 20 year existence, the ‘Johns’ have allowed themselves to be filmed without being blotted anonymous. So, that means that somewhere there are a few guys, like myself, sitting around the TV on a Saturday, possibly drinking a few beers with buddies, who suddenly stand up, point to the TV and yell “HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF CRAP, I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH THAT DUDE!!!!”

Oh the pain of watching someone else’s mistakes. Sweet.