Radio Free Kirkopolis

Well it seems like everything’s falling into place. We’ll be closing on the house soon, which’ll be welcomed since I’m making a handy ill’ profit- not a gold mine by any means, but houses in this area appreciate well. Got all the papers signed for the big “D” so now I’m just waiting for the decree to come in the mail, and lastly I gots me a new truck yesterday.
I’ll have to admit, I will miss the old truck. There’s something about a big ol’ 4x4 with a 5.2 Chevy Vortec monster of an engine that did a fine job of instilling me with a heightened, yet false, sense of self-esteem. But alas, both the loan and the registration were in Jennifer’s name. I tried to re-finance but it seems like local banks aren’t in the business of making money. First off, they’ll only finance for like 36 months, and when they do it’s based on the lowest Kelly’s Blue Book rating, plus give you an interest rate that doesn’t bother to grease itself up before sticking it in. So, I would have gone from paying $375 a month to just around $450 a month. Around here that’s damn near a house payment.
This makes no sense- if they would have made themselves accessible, or at least to any financially reasonable customer, they could have made a crapload of money off me.
After going from bank to bank with my extremely patent father I finally got frustrated enough to go to plan B (from what I gather, home loans are much different which is good ‘cause the international banking cartels don’t need to get any higher on my ‘list’) and just trade in on something else.
So, long story short is I traded in my extend-a-penis for particularly un-phallic, yet highly perfect for me, Ford Ranger. In case you didn’t know the Ranger is Ford’s version of a light truck.
Vehicle history is pretty good. It’s a 2001 with 50k miles (just right, you want about 10k per year). One owner who was an elderly man who lost his leg a while back and can’t drive a stick shift ‘cause the clutch an all. The interior is flawless, which is a good sign that it has been well taken care of throughout. 2 wheel drive, 2.5L, 4cy, manual, XLT, air, CD, bed liner. Really, it’s kind of a base model. Other than steering it has power nothing, but since I can unlock and roll down the window on the passenger side by just leaning over, it’s no big deal.

Here’s what I’ll miss-
4wd- Great to have in the winter, but a few pounds of sand and chains should cover for that.
Cruise control- Used it only about once a month, but really liked it when I did. If I start traveling more I can get one added on for a few hundred bucks.
Extended cab- This thing has NO room. Just a window behind the seats. But hey, I’m only one guy anymore so I really see no issue. But my bike fit neatly in the back seat so now I’ll have to get a rack for the bed of the new truck (FYI, you never lay a bike down in the bed of a truck, unless you want all those fragile gears ‘n stuff messed with).
Here’s what I won’t miss-
Payments- Went from $375 a month to $250. And that’s with a 3 yr, 30K mile drive train warranty.
Gas- When you chop your engine size in half you tend to save a little at the pump. The Chevy has a combined rate of 16 MPG while the Ford weighs in at 24 MPG. Plus the tank’s a lot smaller so it’ll seem like less to my sub-noggin (I usually dumped about $70 into the Chevy at each fill-up). These figures BTW, courtesy of fueleconomy.gov - an interesting page that I suggest you check out.
The inabilty to park- For whatever reason the Ford can do a u-ie in my driveway, the Chevy on the other hand..
Not so red-neckie- For whatever reason trucks in Southern Illinios are more of a status symbol than a necessity. This just gives me an air of self-confidence.

So basically it’s a decent looking truck that will haul my crap (I’m not sure if I’ll ever own anything other than a truck) and will get me from A to B in a reliable manner. About 5 years ago I traded in a Chevy S-10 (the Chevy version of my new Ford) and regretted it ever since, especially a few months ago when I found the old payment book and realized I would have paid it off long ago. More than likely I’ll drive this thing ‘till the wheels fall off. It shouldn’t take me to long to pay it off, and when I do…..

So, in the downsizing summation-
Replacing a big truck with a small truck.
Replacing a big house with a smaller house (sometime soon at least).
Replacing a wife with a dog (well, had the dog anyway but that reads funnier).
Replacing wallet with a clip.
Replacing slightly chubby physique with a leaner, more cut version.

Man, if I keep this up my entire life will be outsourced to Bangladesh.