Radio Free Kirkopolis

Well as most of you have surmised there’s something rather negative going on in my life, and about two days ago things were set in place to make the process all official-like. Therefore I can go ahead and let the cat out of the bag (even though most, if not all of you have figured it out already).
I suppose I’ll stick to the normal “Radio Free” modus operandi thusly-

“Kirk and Jennifer sittin’ in a tree
Getting’ a d-i-v-o-r-c-e….
First came ‘love’
Then came marriage
Then came personality types of perfectionism, co-dependency, flight not fight, and a staggering unwillingness to compromise."

Yup, you read right. Me and Jennifer are splitzville (trust me, had I written this thing a week and a half ago it would have a much different tone). After just 1 ½ years (an embarrassing number) she decided that maybe marriage wasn’t what she thought it would be so she thought it best for us to go our separate ways. Personally, I’d like us to do all that we can (couples counseling, etc.) to salvage what was (for the most part) a pretty good thing- but one person can only do so much. Luckily we’ve got less than two years invested, and with no kids- if it was gonna happen, now’s the time.
I will say this- after this whole shitty and unfortunate mess is over with I will be able to sleep at night knowing that I did everything I possibly could to save what we had. After all, fighting for what you believe and love is what defines someone as a man. There are few feelings in this world worse than regret, and I am confident that is a feeling I will not possess.
I’m doing a few things that to protect myself. First off, we were originally going to decide who gets what and have a lawyer friend of mine draw up the paperwork to save a few bucks, but cooler heads with no emotional ties convinced me otherwise. Ergo, I got my own guy to do the negotiating for me. His best interests are my best interests and he will not be clouded by emotion (how many guys do you know have said, “ah, just give her whatever she wants” only to regret it within a year).
We’ll be selling the house soon, so anyone interested in a beautiful, five year old home with 1.3 acres and in a great neighborhood, let me know.
I’m in the process of moving out and should be pretty much completely gone by this time next week. I’ll then stay at Mom’s for a few months, maybe longer so I can scrap and save about 15-20 grand to get my life going again. Besides, as cooky as it will seem (being a 35 year old man, living at his mother’s) I think the positive security and lack of living alone will do me some good.
I’m also seeing a therapist. A few weeks ago this seemed like a necessity as I was really nothing more than an empty shell of something that used to be a man, but I’ve accepted the reality of what’s happening (although it still feels very unreal) and am bouncing back quite well. Granted, I still have my moments, but the playing field seems to be leveling off. I’m sure that this will all get worse before it gets better, and when it does the therapy should supply me with the tools to handle it. Besides, I want to make sure that I come out of this ok. Anyone who knows me is very aware of my positive nature and sense of humor, that is one of the things that defines me and I refuse to let a situation that is not of my creation take that from me.
The strange thing is that I feel really guilty about all my friends and family who were at our wedding not more than two years ago- it’s like I wasted their time or something. I’m sure they don’t mind and are filled more with feelings of concern rather than disappointment, but none the less the feeling is there.
I suppose I could go on and on, but what more is there to say? This is a situation of neither my control nor of my decision, therefore from this point forward it’s really all about me. That, more than most others, is a feeling that I will have some difficulty adjusting to. When you have spent the last few years of your life consumed with the direction of putting yourself last, well it’s hard to do the emotional 180.
‘Radio Free’ has always been a self-bitching free zone, so don’t expect to hear to much more of this. Many authors of my regular blog rounds continue to weave the soap opera of their lives, and I love them for it, but that’s just not my personal style. ‘Radio Free’ is an escape, and my readers are the conductors.
So don’t go cryin’ for me Argentina, I’ll pull through this somehow and some way. Until then…. well I’ll just keep writing.