Radio Free Kirkopolis

So, Brittney Spears is preggo again.
Sigh….
How much you wanna bet Justin Timberlake is sitting at home, staring a naked Cameron Diaz in his bed thinking “whew, dodged that bullet”?
Does anyone else remember when we gave a crap about this person? Do her ‘people’ realize that she’s now lost her core audience? I’m not talking about the pre-puber, Bratz club. I’m talking about the 25-37 year old men. Or, better yet- dudes like me.
You see Britt, when you first came on the scene we oogled you not because of your talent (really, were you even kidding yourself with that one?) but because of these simple reasons- you were just slightly underage, but not so much that you made us feel creepy, you had a killer body, and you pranced around in a slightly naughty school-girl outfit, complete with tartan skirt and knee highs. For that I still thank you.
But let’s look at life since then.
You’ve aged. Not your fault but that ‘might not be innocent’ thing left with it. Plus, your boobies are starting to sag (from what I hear at least).
You’ve lost your hotness. Yup, it’s safe to say that Jessica Simpson passed you quite a while ago on that one (however if she’s passed you on the ‘I’m a fucking moron’ scale remains to be seen.)
The lack of talent thing caught up to you. Let’s face it, love her or hate her- Christina Aguilera can freakin’ whale. And for some reason she was always my favorite anyway… She too got married, but no one cares because her guy has the brainpower to spell the word ‘receipt’.
You’re damaged goods. You’ve been knocked up, twice now, by a complete grease ball. Really, he’s of those people that seem to be famous for no real reason at all- like Charo.
You’re just too stupid. Really, even if you got your hotness back and dumped K-Yoko it would only last for so long. There’s only a so much a man can take before he decides that all he really wants is Hillary Duff.
So here’s what you do. Squeeze out that pup, dump the dead weight (and by that I mean both figuratively and literally) move him out to a guest house on a set allowance- invest- er, get someone to invest for you wisely, play the Madonna thing and find / produce some new talent, then just slip out of the public eye.
Seriously, you’re on a fast track to a “Smoking Gun” frontpage.